Fall semester recently restarted for me. On the first day of class I made amends with a 46 year old classmate but quickly retracted it in less than 24 hours. I am 5 years older than her. She has tried to destroy my reputation by telling another classmate that I am “scary” and that she should not be my friend or study with me. Keep in mind that the forewarned individual stated ” We are all adults here.” I absolutely love this 21 year old and her response. Life is about how we respond to people, places and things. Learn to recognize the triggers to your addiction. What are your triggers? How do you respond to them? Do you pick up the phone and call your sponsor? Having the support from another person in recovery is the key. We all need support in our recovery. This helps us to make rational and sane decisions. If you do not have a sponsor, take the time to find one. You cannot do this alone. Be brave and take the steps necessary to connect with someone that you feel the closest with. That individual should have a few years or more of experience in the program. Newcomers need the advice of a seasoned individual in the program. Within the program I find comfort in knowing that, I am understood. No one knows me better than my Celebrate Recovery group. When outsiders falsely judge me in college, I know that a group of trusted individuals know me for who I am. That is Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery helps me to heal from life’s hurts habits and hangups.
When did you realize that enough was enough? What was the defining moment? Your rock bottom was the moment that you knew something had to change. I can compare my rock bottom to jumping off a cliff without a safety net. This past week has been a blur of people saying and doing unacceptable things to me. I feel like I am losing my ability to control my anger. It is so bad that I have to pull out my backup plan…..When all fails, just walk away from the unacceptable behaviors of other. Wednesday I decided to start a clean slate with a classmate that ended less than 24 hours later. Her true lack of understanding showed. She acted so inappropriately that I honestly cannot believe that I even gave her a second chance. Life for those of us in recovery is truly about second chances. We are given a fresh lease on life in recovery. Individuals not in recovery can be skeptical. How can a program bring us to a point of total recovery? It is through the steps of recovery and fellowship within the program. The program brings a renewed hope that we can recover from our hurts, habits, and hangups.
Posted in 12 steps, Acceptance, Addiction, Change, Courage, Gratitude, Let Go and Let God, Uncategorized
Tagged Celebrate Recovery, hope, Let go and let God, Surrender
Sometimes I need a little reminder to go back to the basics. Today was exactly one of those days where I went……..I need to start with a clean slate. I had to deal with two issues with classmates. I knew that if I didn’t address the issues…….the issues would snowball out of control. Today I made the decision to start a fresh clean slate with these individuals. I chose to let go of any resentments and decided to make amends to both of them. Recovery is the only way to go. Recent health scares are on my mind. How can I cope with having multiple chronic illnesses? One day at a time. I hate feeling so out of control as my life spirals downward. Being in Celebrate Recovery helps me to handle my life’s hurts, habits, and habits. But if it can help me…..It can help you. If you are willing and able to try it out, Celebrate Recovery will cure what ails you. Go back to the basics of the program and rediscover a new way of living free from addiction.
Lately I have found myself, leaving the self destructive behaviors of others behind me. In the wake of their self destruction, they have been trying very hard to weasel themselves back into my life like a cold sore that never goes away. It is at this point that I must remember that…..I kicked them out if my life for a reason. Their negative actions spoke louder than their cut like a knife words. Two weeks ago I went balistic on the biggest leech of my life. I yelled and screamed at her on the phone. I needed a safe place to stay for a few hours. What came out of her mouth showed me her true colors. She thought I was going to sleep with her alcoholic husband. In all my years in recovery, I have learned that…..I just don’t want another person’s junk, alcoholic or addict in my life. I would rather shut myself off from the world that to go back to my former pathetic individual of mass destruction. Addiction is a killer and so is enabling. When we enable bad behavior, thoughts, or actions, we give power to the addict to use us. Those in recovery can still be enablers or even codependents. The topic of codependents in recovery will be discussed in a later blog. For now remember this…..You can be free from the ties that bind you.
I have decided to choose one word to focus on for the rest of the year. That one word is RESPECT. When I show others respect, I hope to be respected. One word can be a game changer. It is not a resolution but a different way of looking at individuals. Lately I have not been so respectful to others. I thought to myself “What’s wrong with me?” I then reframe my thought process……It’s not about me. It’s about the actions of others that hurt me. Hurt people just love to hurt people. Individuals who are trapped in their own personal hell absolutely love to cut individuals down to their lower level basement.There is a solution to this dilemma…..You don’t have to accept their unacceptable behavior. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Respect occurs when individuals can accept each other for all their differences. Respect can be hidden or shown in an outward manner. For example, in two weeks, I will start Fall semester in college. I worry about how the younger students will react to me. I do not act as a know it all. I am who I am. I the ability to make a pin the lives of others. What’s your word that impacts you the way you live each and everyday in recovery? Embrace your positive wounded and never let anyone take your sparkle away. You are worthy of respect and dignity.
After the addiction, there comes a sense of wanting to be normal again. You will never be normal again. Recovery does that to you. Your life will change little by little. The sense of belonging turns into a longing for God. Deep down inside you a subtle change of heart and soul begins. Faith in the God of your understanding does that to you. Never ever give up your sense of belonging. You belong to God Most High. I sometimes forget that as I struggle to be “normal” again. I just want to feel like I belong once again. But time and time again God longs for me to have a relationship with him. He totally and unconditionally loves you flaws and all. Come as you are to the recovery table. Around the table you will discover hope for recovery. There are things that recovering addicts desire. I only want to feel accepted in an ever changing world. It is the little things that push me over the edge. It is at that time that I realize how important Celebrate Recovery means to me. There are thoughts and emotions that only another individual in recovery would ever understand.
Because there is more to this life I have decided to start another blog that is a little different than this one….. Come and join me.