Choices For The New Year

We are all given choices in life. We can either fail or succeed in the choices we make. Every new year I make a resolution and every year I fail. I just make wrong choices. I struggle with my defects of character and then I beat myself up. I have a choice today…..Today I choose to live my life the best that I can be. I have been struggling with pain lately. Physical and emotional pain can cause self destructive choices. Options may not arise so easily when you are in a state of either physical or emotional pain. This year I plan on noting the causes of pain in my life and what I did to find a healthy solution. My personal definition of a healthy solution is……A healthy choice that causes no harm to me or those around me. So far my struggles are dealing with physical pain. My year started of with physical therapy for the fifth month. I am slowly coming to accept the fact that I may never be healed of pain. I want to mask the pain but I know that is not the answer. Sometimes in life we have to address the issue head on. We can either drown in our emotional and physical pain or we can seek the help that we need. Choosing recovery is a decision that only you can make. Admitting that you have an addiction takes courage. Maintaining recovery is a choice. It is a choice that will be life altering. Choose to let go of what is holding you back from a full recovery from your addictive choices. The decision is yours. 

Message for Recovery: Healthy choices are life altering. Live in a state of recovery. One Day At A Time.

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Down And Out

I met a man holding a sign yesterday that said…….Need help with X-Mas and lights and gas. God Bless.Thank you. I was at a very busy street. I pulled over and talked to him. I heard his story and gave him some money. As he walked away, I called him back and gave him some more money and some quick advice. It was something he told me that made me believe he was truly genuine. It wasn’t the sign story but his personal story. I guess I have a knack with that…..Getting strangers to open up within minutes of talking to them. Down and out on their luck. I wonder how many addicts are out their searching for their Christmas fix. There is only one fix called recovery. Whether it is a Christ centered recovery program or a Twelve step recovery program, it is a discovery in life without addiction. Recovery gives us hope in a new way of living. We can either keep coming back or go back to our old ways of living. I will always take the gift of recovery over my former addictive life of deceit. 

Messages for recovery: You are worthy to be recovered and free from addiction.

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Freedom From That Which Kills Us

My God is my sponsor. He leads me through life’s greatest difficulties. I can always trust in God’s advice to me. God cannot harm me. I can harm myself by allowing negativity into my life. I struggle with this every day. Having a negative attitude is a defect of my character. I can only learn to have a positive attitude. I tend to have a take it or leave it attitude. I tend to take the spoken words of others towards me very seriously. I sometimes believe these untrue words that are spoken about me. I have always been a sensitive individual. I am someone who listens to words of those who are suffering. Sometimes I will feel the need to speak a kind word of encouragement. That is just me being human…..After all I am qualified to offer emotional support because I am a human being. I do not need a college degree to treat an individual with respect. It is just part of the job description of being human. I seize every opportunity to help my fellow man. These chance meetings or opportunities with people help me to have a sensitive and caring heart. If I didn’t care about reaching out to those in need, I would be self centered. I am not self centered. I AM GOD CENTERED. God centers me daily so that I may be closer to him. I lead a God centered life. God is in the center of my life. When I seek God, nothing can go wrong in my life………….     This was written in 2012. I am the same person now but just a little more braver. I added  Veterans to those I choose to encounter. Yesterday while at the gas station I met a Veteran known as DL. He surprised me with a hug and handshake. I held on to that hug in the deep recesses of my heart. I will always remember his service…….Freedom is not free. I can only help but think that the world would be such a better place without addiction…..addiction of any kind. Recovery is so much better. It is real only if you want it. Recovery is like a present that you unwrap. It has many layers to it…..Twelve to be exact. Take the moment to unwrap it. Enjoy the gift of recovery courtesy of your local Celebrate Recovery program or 12 step program.

 

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Grief And Recovery

My ex father-in-law died this week. Death and dying is always the hardest during the holidays. He actually died two days after his birthday. I have heard that people often wait to die until particular moments have occurred. I had a sister-in-law die one year on Mother’s Day. Death can be cruel on one’s recovery. Slips can happen so easily. That’s when you pull out the lifeline called phone a friend. I really cannot do that. I find it very hard to reach out at times. Today was difficult. I had a medical assistant threaten to call security on me. I stood my ground and told her go ahead. I think she knew she had no power or authority over me. I took control over the situation I was in. I was in physical pain and had barely slept. I was grieving. Maybe I should have worn a black band on my arm. I strongly doubt that she would have understood. That’s life and that’s death. It’s the same with addiction and recovery. They are polar opposites. In order to live, we must bury our addiction(s). But how? We have to take the first step and admit that we have a problem. Slowly but surely our lives will become manageable. We recover from the loss of addiction. Life happens. Recovery happens through hard work and lots of meetings and support. 

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Dear Younger Me Not In Recovery

Dear younger me: Don’t be so quick to get into the in crowd. One day you’ll be all by yourself. Don’t  be so quick to cover up your pain. Pain is a good thing. It means you’re still breathing. Don’t take that first toke. It will smell like skunk in the future. Addiction stinks. You’ll be caught up in a whirlwind of despair. You will be left wondering……Where can I get my next fix. Don’t follow the crowd. Be yourself. Trust your instincts. Addiction will never get you anywhere. Someday you will have a future. But first you have to let go of your past. There is nothing better than recovery. It will bring you peace of mind. No worries of how you are going to make the rent or juggle your budget. Nobody said it would be easy. Letting go and living in the here and now. Now that you started something……..Learn to say NO! Begin again. Get the help you need before it is too late. The truth lies within the Twelve Steps and Celebrate Recovery. Dear younger self: forgive, forget, and live one day at a time.

 

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What Are You Downloading Into Your Life?

I have been busy processing my life and where it is headed in my recovery. Now more than ever I have to stick to the program of recovery. Stress can be a cause of relapse. I should be happy but I am not. I feel rejected at college. I just found out that I now qualify to apply to the Master’s Program. A professor who will be writing a letter of recommendation asked me to write a paper about my strengths and weaknesses. OH!!!!!! What is this inventory taking time? YES!!!!!! Every recovery persons greatest fear yet greatest accomplishment. As the end of the year is just around the corner, I cannot help but think…….Next year will be better. I have been downloading the negative comments people have been saying to me. I AM WORTHY. I have been downloading illness into my life. I AM WELL. I have been downloading rejection. I AM ACCEPTED BY MY HIGHER POWER!!!!!!!!! By now you get the picture. Think about the things that we download into our lives daily. Is it good, bad, or ugly. We all deserve to be mindful and respectful of…..ourselves. Our recovery should come first and foremost in our lives. We need to be strong and bold in our recovery. We have to walk the walk and talk the talk………..DOWNLOAD complete.

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Be Your True Self

My angry self has been struggling to come out. Last night was the kicker. I have been working on a project for college with a classmate. She left me hanging to do it alone when she arranged to meet another classmate the same day for a different class. Never in my life have I been treated so rudely. I took control and worked on the project for three days. Last night I get text messages and even emails stating that she changed the project. No! Too late I submitted my project. Anger……How could you? Be true to yourself. Trust in your gut feelings. If it’s bad, it’s bad. Worry and anger are serenity killers. It took a total stranger last night to bring me back to reality. “You have to be nice to them.” I once was addicted to the trauma of the drama of life. Not any more. I made a decision to turn my life over to God……The God of my understanding. Trust yourself in this journey through recovery. Be your true self. To discover yourself is to discover your recovery does matter. Do not let anyone take your recovery away. Life is too short………

Message For Recovery: God understands what you are going through today. Take the time to tell him your troubles today. He’s listening.

Posted in Acceptance, Anger, Change, Courage, Encounters in recovery, Let Go and Let God, Life Choices, Messages For Recovery, Recovery | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment