I have been busy processing my life and where it is headed in my recovery. Now more than ever I have to stick to the program of recovery. Stress can be a cause of relapse. I should be happy but I am not. I feel rejected at college. I just found out that I now qualify to apply to the Master’s Program. A professor who will be writing a letter of recommendation asked me to write a paper about my strengths and weaknesses. OH!!!!!! What is this inventory taking time? YES!!!!!! Every recovery persons greatest fear yet greatest accomplishment. As the end of the year is just around the corner, I cannot help but think…….Next year will be better. I have been downloading the negative comments people have been saying to me. I AM WORTHY. I have been downloading illness into my life. I AM WELL. I have been downloading rejection. I AM ACCEPTED BY MY HIGHER POWER!!!!!!!!! By now you get the picture. Think about the things that we download into our lives daily. Is it good, bad, or ugly. We all deserve to be mindful and respectful of…..ourselves. Our recovery should come first and foremost in our lives. We need to be strong and bold in our recovery. We have to walk the walk and talk the talk………..DOWNLOAD complete.
We are our biggest enemies. It is a daily battle. Never give up! The battle can be won . We are our worst inner critics. I struggle with thoughts of failure each and every day. I had an incident happen that truly troubled me. There is no other way than to say that young people are not prepared to get up and do the right thing. An emergency situation arised last week and I quickly got up to assess the individual. Not one student got up until someone realized 911 had to be called. If we act too late in life…..Guilty feelings will arise. I can honestly say that I have been an emotionally hot mess all weekend. I cannot be this way. I need to pull out if this emotional tail spin. I realize that I have to face the fear and do what I had to do. I have no time to deal with the emotional sabotage. Addiction and thoughts of addiction sabotage our thinking. It is a false coverup. If old patterns of addictive behaviors creep back, a false sense of security arises. We must never get too comfortable in the program otherwise we will be falling into that false sense of I can do this by myself. No! Absolutely not. We need the support of others. Whether it is Celebrate Recovery or a twelve step program, around the table we are always understood. Like minded individuals in recovery are truly understanding of what recovery, life, and daily struggles are like. It is a daily battle but we must forge on. You never know who you might run into who needs a helping hand. Keep on keeping on. Fight the battle. The battle is real.
Posted in 12 steps, Acceptance, Change, Courage, Encounters in recovery, Gratitude, Life Choices
Tagged Celebrate Recovery, fighting the battle, Going deeper, Holy Spirit, recovery, twelve steps
The following entry was written in 2008 in a notebook I just found…… Nothing in life comes easy. There has to be some pain in life so that you may have compassion for others just like you. This is just another difficulty in life. But you will get through it. You have to believe and have faith. There is no other way. There will come a time where you will feel challenged. There will come a time where you will be healed. There will come a time when you will discover yourself once again. There are things in your life that you need to let go of in order to grow and in order to heal your life. It won’t be easy. Letting go is never easy. But in return you will be blessed. You may not know it at the time you receive it. But know this……Your life is a gift. It is your choice what you do with it. At times, you will stumble and you will fall. At times, you will rise above your difficulties. Never look back on the past hurts you have experienced. Only look forward to today and the blessings that it will bring you. Believe in yourself. You are a survivor……….
May recovery bring you peace, hope, and serenity……One day at a time.
Posted in 12 steps, Acceptance, Celebrate Recovery, Change, Courage, Daily reflections, Gratitude, Journaling, One Day At A Time, Random thoughts
Tagged 12 steps, blessings, Celebrate Recovery, inspiration, one day at a time, recovery, reflections
Made a decision to not drive myself mentally ill by non recovering individuals. I struggle with depression………Gasp! But don’t we all somehow suffer from depression. Addiction suppresses and depresses our ability to think rationally. The struggle is oh so real. Only another individual around the table would truly understand. My father recently said I need anger management classes. Heck I know that and the whole world knows it. Yet I must do the footwork of making the decision to get the help that I need all by myself. No not really. I have a new contact number…..The director of a treatment center. The same director who wants to sit and brainstorm with me. Really? I am really worthy to do that kind of service work. I honestly need to start seeing what total strangers see in me……..A compassionate individual who loves all people. The twelve steps have been a part of my life since I joined Alanon at the ripe old age of 16. I joined because of my boyfriend. I have learned many lessons since then. Change must first begin with you. You are the catalyst of change. It starts with making a decision to change and then following through by making your meetings. Be with those individuals who lift you up and celebrate each month of your recovery. Hold on tight to your anniversary coin. It makes your recovery oh so real. Make a decision today to celebrate your recovery. You deserve it!! Don’t stop believing!
Posted in 12 step progam, Acceptance, Addiction, Anger, Celebrate Recovery, Change, Courage, Encounters in recovery, Life Choices, One Day At A Time, Recovery journey
Tagged 12 steps, Anger, Celebrate Recovery, decision making in recovery