I went to first service yesterday. This gave me plenty of time to make sure that the greeters knew to look out for this young couple for me. I only showed one person a picture of them. Yes, they let me take a picture of them with permission. They also wanted my picture. I thought what the heck. They know the importance of maintaining anonymity in a twelve step program. Long story made short……I was outside sitting on a bench when a church member ran up to me saying “They are here! They are here!” This beautiful woman tried to help me find them. I stood in front of the congregation and looked out into the flock of sheep. All of a sudden our eyes met. We met each other in the aisle and hugged. I cried like a baby. It was emotional to say the least. I sat with them through second service we prayed and worshipped together united as one. To be continued next Sunday at second service. The following is a You Tube clip over an hour long. If you have time you can listen to it. I have to affiliation with NA. I cannot judge the content of it. Only someone in NA would understand service work.
Last Sunday I was really offended in church. I went up for prayers for healing. I was the first in this one particular line. The woman said “Hurry up! There are people in line behind you.” If I bit my tongue, I would have bled all over the beautiful sanctuary carpet. I cannot complain. I will not complain about the Senior pastor’s wife. I asked for prayers for a clear mind so that I could recall events to file a complaint. I told them that this was very important to me. The next thing I knew was that another woman piped her opinion in also. They both stated “Don’t do it!” That did it. I was done listening. I went into immediate shut down mode and left the church angry. I wanted to leave that church forever. I went to eat lunch and then felt the urge to go to a store that I have never gone to. I was supposed to go to this store. God sent me to where I was needed. I met a clean cut young couple. They were recovering drug addicts 8-9 months clean. They were also homeless and living out of their car. I asked them what they really needed. I then told them to wait in the store until I returned. I blessed them when I returned to the store. They couldn’t stop hugging me. They even showed me their car that they sleep out of. I knew I had impacted the lives of these recovering individuals when the young lady said ” What church do you go to?” Today I hope to run into this couple at the church I wanted to quit. Obviously God has different plans for me. I will let go and let God steer me in the right direction of life. God is….Good Orderly Direction.
Posted in Addiction, Anger, Change, Courage, Encounters in recovery, Gratitude, Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, healing, Homeless addicts, hope, recovery
Brushing off addiction. I have a dirty little secret. Hidden deep within the passages of my brain. The monster is killing me….breaking me down. Something happened last week to cause the anger monster come out. Yelling and screaming. Being lied to. Hearing the lies absolutely killed me. I heard what she was telling me. Lies,lies, lies. I refuse to except unexceptable behavior. I had rehearsed what I was going to say and even wrote it down. Yet this individual said I never told her my name. The rest of the conversation went down hill fast. Finally, the Merry-go-round ride ended. I was confused and reeling with emotional hurt. Brush it off……let go and let God handle life’s difficulties. Choose to not feed the addiction beast. You are not alone. Emerge a victor. The battle is real but it can be won. Making meetings can help. Calling people in the program can help. Celebrate Recovery or a twelve step program can help.
Posted in 12 steps, Acceptance, Addiction, Addictive behaviors, Anger, Celebrate Recovery, Change, Courage, Uncategorized
Tagged brush it off, Celebrate Recovery, twelve step meetings
Halt=Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. I learned this years ago in a twelve step program. This is a mini self inventory for me. Am I hungry for the wrong things? Right now yes. I am thinking that my anger is leading me down a slippery slope. Trickle affect. People asking me stupid questions. I explode big time so much that the individual asks me do you want to talk to her supervisor. Don’t do it I thought to myself. I need a time out. The type of time out where you sit in the corner and cry until you can’t cry anymore. Am I hungry? Yes! I am hungry for recovery. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Slowly this PTSD is killing me. I feel alone. No one really understands me. I want to scream and shout. I pretend to be happy but I am not. I put on a false face and step out into the world. I hate feeling this way anger is my constant companion. Music soothes me. I take long drives in my car to forget. Just for the moment. Tired……When was the last time I slept like a baby? No answer. Pain disrupts my sleep. Never ever get hungry, lonely or tired. Today I will have to deal with it and not ignore it. It’s like that big pink elephant in the room that no one one wants to address. I want to hold a sign up that says ” Stop asking me how am I.” I know it is what everyone does out of common courtesy. I have been telling them the truth……..I am in pain. I hurt. No one wants to hear “stuff” like that. I have been stuffing my feelings for too long. Time to go back to the……..Let go and let God stage.
I went to a church event last night and left feeling offended by a very famous author. I asked him a question and he responded by saying ” Buy my book on deliverance.” Thanks but no thanks. It was almost like he was pushing sales on his books. I only need one book for the answer……the Bible. Celebrate Recovery and Twelve step programs anchor us to the bible. Within the bible, you will find the answers that you seek. God offers us a promise of restoration. In Jeremiah 33:6 of the Celebrate Recovery Bible, there is a bible verse that states “Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.” These words are for all of us. Recovery means health and healing. When recovery occurs, there will be peace and security in our lives. This brings us to a place of restoration. We become renewed and our bodies become strengthened. No longer are we left wandering in the desert of addiction. You’ll find the answers in the bible, Celebrate Recovery, and Twelve Step Programs.
There is power in reaching out for help. I have been undergoing a difficult season in my life. Dealing with medical issues and going to college at the same time. Last week a Professor had to point out that what I was putting into my body was not good for me. She did this in front of the whole class. I decided to come clean…….I am diabetic. I wake up feeling awful and it continues throughout the day. My main staples are diet pop and candy. This is not the way that I want to live. I am addicted to life. I want to live but slowly my habits are killing me. My loved ones see it. I don’t want to stop my bad habits…….The flip side would be so much better. Recovery……Reaching Every Corner Overcoming Victoriously Encouraging Reminders Yourself. RECOVERY. Recovery starts when you decide to overcome addiction. It is a decision that only you can make to get better. It is a decision that only you can make to choose a new life over the death and destruction of addiction. There are times that you need to hear encouraging reminders weekly. This is where Celebrate Recovery meetings or Twelve Step meeting come into play. You are never alone. Somewhere out there the lies the hope and encouragement that you seek. Never give up. There is power in reaching out.
Posted in 12 steps, Acceptance, Addiction, Celebrate Recovery, Courage, Life Choices, Motivational, New Beginnings, Recovery, Uncategorized
Tagged 12 steps, Celebrate Recovery, Hope in recovery, overcoming addiction
I told two strangers that this was the last time I was going to tell my story. I had no idea that these individuals were related. My story goes back six years. Slowly my life gets better but yet the incident will remain in my mind forever. I suffer deeply from it. Nothing can erase it from my mind. With 2017 just around the corner, I have a choice to make. My resolutions include……Forgive those who do not understand. Laugh more. Live life to the fullest. Apologize when things go wrong. Stop blaming. Be an encourager. Make a difference where it really counts. Live an authentic life. Read more. Journal more. Don’t let people trample your dreams.