The Notecard

On Sunday I will write a notecard and leave it at a bedside table. I have never met the individuals involved. I am a hospice volunteer. Lately I realize that I have hurt my family deeply. Some of them have no idea what I did to cause so much pain. I could write them a note card but that would not be right. Making amends is truly life altering. But what if the individual has passed…….Sit down and write a letter and  pour your heart out. Cry if you need to. But express your feelings and then burn it. Out of the ashes the Phoenix rises. Out of the flames you will find peace and serenity. I did leave the notecard on Sunday. Yesterday I found out my client passed away. It saddened me that I couldn’t find out his life story. We all have our own addiction/recovery stories. Are you in recovery now? How does recovery make you feel? Are you addicted now? How does it make you feel? There is nothing better than the feeling of being in a recovery program. It is a conscious decision. A lifelong change for the better. We heal better when we are in recovery. Celebrate Recovery or the Twelve Steps will show you the way.

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Patience For Others

Everyday I have to practice being patient.  Being angry is one of my character defects. It gets me nowhere. When total strangers act inappropriately, I feel my blood start to boil. I want to  scream and swear at them. Road rage will get me nowhere.  The road to recovery will get you somewhere. A place that is filled with peace and serenity. The journey may be long and hard but it is worth it. You are worth it.  Along the journey there are others who are seeking answers to their problems. Around the table, we all understand that we are together and accountable for our recovery in the program.  The 12 steps or Celebrate Recovery can be an integral part in our journey through life. 

God give me strength today to make it through whatever comes my way. Help me to be patient towards others who are unkind towards me. Give me the courage God to face whatever challenges that may come my way today. Give me the peace and understanding  to follow the 12 steps of recovery.

 

Being Broken

I cried on Friday wondering how a broken person like me could get accepted in a Master’s Program for Social Work. The program had only 25-30 spots open. I guess being broken has changed me for the better. My hurts, habits, and hangups have changed me. My priorities have changed. The people I meet every day prepare me for my future career. Being broken for an addict can be both good and bad. The good thing is finding recovery and hope for future.  The bad thing about addiction is the consequences. There is nothing good about addiction. Initially, the high may feel good but then the addict will experience withdrawals. The effects of withdrawal plays havoc on the mind and body. Detoxification is needed. This means medical intervention and then being in a rehabilitation center. Finally staying clean or sober by attending 12 step meetings or Celebrate Recovery meetings regularly and getting a sponsor. This is the beginning steps for healing that which is broken. 

 

A Freedom Unlike Any Other

You have to want it more than anything. You cannot want it for your friends or family. You have to want recovery for yourself. Recovery will give you a freedom unlike any other when all seems lost. There is a way to heal yourself. Surrendering to the fact that you cannot do this by yourself. Twelve step programs and Celebrate recovery will lead you to freedom from addiction. Every day is a struggle. I struggle with anger issues. I raise my blood pressure unnecessarily. I get so mad that I seek relief. My recovery means more to me the older I get. I realize that I have to take the plunge and change my ways. Last month after graduation, I realized I have to keep on moving on. I applied for a Master’s Degree program. In a few short weeks I will find out if I will make it in a program with only thirty spots. Recovery is an ongoing process. A process that will take time and effort. Never give up your dreams of recovery. 

 

Just Listen To The Voice Of Addiction/Recovery

I went out last night for my last weekend of Spring break. I ran into three people who told me their stories without me even asking them. All of the individuals said key sentences that caught my ear. The first person was an elderly woman in her late 70’s struggling to care for her husband with dementia. Her words….. “I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I need an escape.” She admitted that she had too much to drink. I could tell. The strong smell of alcohol filled my personal space. I listened to her stories. I realized she needed to get it off her chest. I gave her some suggestions hoping that she would feel less overwhelmed. I will never know the outcome. I hope that she finds peace of mind. The last two individuals were a young couple. We talked for the longest time. He shared with me his battle with alcohol and his recovery. He stepped away for a minute and I privately talked to his girlfriend. I told her that she was a great support system for her boyfriend. She gave me a great big hug. Sometimes in life we lose ourselves in deep addictive battles. The mind is strong. It pulls the addict into a world of despair. They fall off the wagon over and over again. Recovery covers our wounds so that we may heal. Recovery takes perseverance and a willingness to follow the twelve steps. Recovery is about changing harmful behaviors and becoming addiction free.

 

Stepping Out Of The Addiction Zone

I had an interesting experience last night as I people watched and people watched me. No one pointed the finger at me. I pointed the finger at myself for being up so late. Are we having fun yet? The voice of addiction said in my head. That is it! Addiction talks to you and says “Go ahead and do it……You know you want to. Try it you will like it. This won’t hurt a bit. Addicts are pleasure seekers because they are not pleased with themselves or their lives. What is feeding your addiction? If you are addicted to food, you just can’t stop eating you will die of starvation. Take an overdose and there is a strong possibility of dying. Life saving measure…….The lifeline of recovery. That is the only way. The 12 steps or Celebrate Recovery will lead the way. There will always be someone there to help you on your path towards recovery. There is hope.

A.S.A.P

It has been quite awhile since I have posted anything with good reason. These past few months have been filled with worry, hurt, bitterness, and anger. You name it and I have felt it. Today I feel scared at the outcome of pending surgery in a few short hours. I am scared of the big C. But I know that God is in control. I have never had control. My illness is out of my hands. Only God knows. All I know is ASAP= Always Say A Prayer. I recently posted a prayer request on a prayer group and only 3 people out of over 200 responded. I felt abandoned with such lack of response. Yet total stangers I met have outnumbered those 3 individuals. I realize now that God only matters. He is the ultimate healer. He knows his plans for all of us. Those still active in addiction and those of us in recovery. May 2019 bring you peace and restoration. May God be with you on your journey of recovery. Recovery means something different for me now. Pray for me and always remember ASAP.