Be Your True Self

My angry self has been struggling to come out. Last night was the kicker. I have been working on a project for college with a classmate. She left me hanging to do it alone when she arranged to meet another classmate the same day for a different class. Never in my life have I been treated so rudely. I took control and worked on the project for three days. Last night I get text messages and even emails stating that she changed the project. No! Too late I submitted my project. Anger……How could you? Be true to yourself. Trust in your gut feelings. If it’s bad, it’s bad. Worry and anger are serenity killers. It took a total stranger last night to bring me back to reality. “You have to be nice to them.” I once was addicted to the trauma of the drama of life. Not any more. I made a decision to turn my life over to God……The God of my understanding. Trust yourself in this journey through recovery. Be your true self. To discover yourself is to discover your recovery does matter. Do not let anyone take your recovery away. Life is too short………

Message For Recovery: God understands what you are going through today. Take the time to tell him your troubles today. He’s listening.

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Day By Day

Day by day I am faced by the good, the bad, and the ugliness of humanity. No one really knows my struggles. The struggles of recovery in a world filled of addiction is real. No matter which way we turn……there are triggers to addiction. Today I am glad I didn’t blow my recovery on the stupidity of a non recovering individual’s words and actions. My emotions stayed in check. I didn’t feel like running back to my old friend addiction. The struggle is real. Nothing will calm the beast of addiction but recovery. I have been watching you watch my blog. There are a lot of individuals who seem to like bible verses. Yes! You will come to see those inspirational verses posted again. All of us need daily inspiration. I need it now more than ever. It gives me strength to deal with life’s challenges. MESSAGE FOR RECOVERY: May today bring you hope, peace, and serenity to face those difficult moments.

Doing Battle With The Inner Enemy

We are our biggest enemies. It is a daily battle. Never give up! The battle can be won . We are our worst inner critics. I struggle with thoughts of failure each and every day. I had an incident happen that truly troubled me. There is no other way than to say that young people are not prepared to get up and do the right thing. An emergency situation arised last week and I quickly got up to assess the individual. Not one student got up until someone realized 911 had to be called. If we act too late in life…..Guilty feelings will arise. I can honestly say that I have been an emotionally hot mess all weekend. I cannot be this way. I need to pull out if this emotional tail spin. I realize that I have to face the fear and do what I had to do. I have no time to deal with the emotional sabotage. Addiction and thoughts of addiction sabotage our thinking. It is a false coverup. If old patterns of addictive behaviors creep back, a false sense of security arises. We must never get too comfortable in the program otherwise we will be falling into that false sense of I can do this by myself. No! Absolutely not. We need the support of others. Whether it is Celebrate Recovery or a twelve step program, around the table we are always understood. Like minded individuals in recovery are truly understanding of what recovery, life, and daily struggles are like. It is a daily battle but we must forge on. You never know who you might run into who needs a helping hand. Keep on keeping on. Fight the battle. The battle is real. 

 

Nothing In Life Comes Easy

The following entry was written in 2008 in a notebook I just found…… Nothing in life comes easy. There has to be some pain in life so that you may have compassion for others just like you. This is just another difficulty in life. But you will get through it. You have to believe and have faith. There is no other way. There will come a time where you will feel challenged. There will come a time where you will be healed. There will come a time when you will discover yourself once again. There are things in your life that you need to let go of in order to grow and in order to heal your life. It won’t be easy. Letting go is never easy. But in return you will be blessed. You may not know it at the time you receive it. But know this……Your life is a gift. It is your choice what you do with it. At times, you will stumble and you will fall. At times, you will rise above your difficulties. Never look back on the past hurts you have experienced. Only look forward to today and the blessings that it will bring you. Believe in yourself. You are a survivor……….

May recovery bring you peace, hope, and serenity……One day at a time.

Whatever Happened To Using The Phone

I was very disturbed last night by a post I saw on social media. Before social media, a phone call would be made announcing such a delicate matter. My heart breaks that the announcement was made in such a public manner. I am actually going to pretend I never saw it. No acknowledgement or prayers will be given by me. I know it sounds cruel but what did we do before technology happened? Plain and simple. We picked up the phone to make contact with our sponsors. It is much better to truly hear an individual face to face or over the phone. Our true emotions can be felt or heard. When we text or write on social media, something gets lost in translation……..our humanness and true emotion. This is only my opinion. Oct 2017 marks a year that I began a social experiment to talk to as many strangers as I can. This past year I have heard a lot of stories. Some happy and some sad. For the most part they have been very inspirational to me. In a brief interaction with others, I am able to hear a small part of what inspired them to be who they are in life. I get to share a little part of myself with them. Together we are one…….A part of the human race, racing towards recovery. Life is too short. Learn to live in the moment of peace and serenity. One day at a time.

Made A Decision

Made a decision to not drive myself mentally ill by non recovering individuals. I struggle with depression………Gasp! But don’t we all somehow suffer from depression. Addiction suppresses and depresses our ability to think rationally. The struggle is oh so real. Only another individual around the table would truly understand. My father recently said I need anger management classes. Heck I know that and the whole world knows it. Yet I must do the footwork of making the decision to get the help that I need all by myself. No not really. I have a new contact number…..The director of a treatment center. The same director who wants to sit and brainstorm with me. Really? I am really worthy to do that kind of service work. I honestly need to start seeing what total strangers see in me……..A compassionate individual who loves all people.  The twelve steps have been a part of my life since I joined Alanon at the ripe old age of 16.  I joined because of my boyfriend. I have learned many lessons since then.   Change must first begin with you. You are the catalyst of change. It starts with making a decision to change and then following through by making your meetings. Be with those individuals who lift you up and celebrate each month of your recovery. Hold on tight to your anniversary coin. It makes your recovery oh so real. Make a decision today to celebrate your recovery. You deserve it!! Don’t stop believing! 

The Experiment In Humanity

I cannot give much details here. I know I am onto a great idea. When the task is done I always ask for permission to publish. I always get a yes. No one has ever said no. I started the idea as a way to get me out of the pits of anxiety. One thing led to another. Total strangers caring for me! Wow…..It shocks me back to a time when it was safe to talk to anybody. I talk to anyone who is willing to listen to me. I practice the fine art of conversation without my head stuck in a telephone. I would rather have my head stuck in a good nonfiction book. Recently I asked a total stranger in a Starbucks a simple question……”When did our society change?” It turns out that he was the perfect person to ask “that” question. It turns out he graduated with a degree in addiction studies from the college I am going to. He gave me his business card and asked me to call him. Someday I will call him to discuss what we both are passionate about……Addiction and recovery. Yesterday at my college, I ran into an elderly gentleman at my college observing a piece of student’s artwork. One question led to another. Finally, he ask me a question…….”Are you a professor?” I replied no and asked him if he was a professor. He replied that He was a professor in addiction studies.