Being Homeless

Yesterday I met a homeless man who I had met for the first time when Covid first started. He invited me to sit next to him on a bench. What happened next was an eyeopener for me. I was concerned about where he was going to sleep because it was cold and close to 39° outside. I had called the Information phone number. An individual asked me a lot of questions about the homeless man. It felt like I was taking a government survey and then I was texted a few shelters that housed men. I called one of the numbers and was surprised by the ignorance of the individual at the other end of the line. I had mentioned to this individual that the homeless man had a history of seizures, but he was not presently having one. This individual recommended that I call an ambulance. I yelled at him over the sound of the cars going by me. The one thing that the homeless man wanted was to gain access to his disability money. I could understand his frustration at not being able to get his money due to not having an address . Tomorrow I’ll take the time out to call the Social Security office and get information for him. During the time that I spent with him, a kind lady came up to us, and tried to give him Money. He declined and said to give the money to me instead, because I needed it. The homeless man’s generosity truly shocked me. I offered to give the homeless man a blanket, a phone, and other materials, for which he declined all of them. The chance meeting with the homeless man as lead me on a mini crusade to help him. He had told me that all he had wanted was a place to live. I will spend as much time as I can researching housing for homeless individuals in our area. I already know that there is a lot of inadequacies in the Housing system. I’ll start a new Google document listing all of the resources that I find so that I may share them with other homeless individuals that I come across my every day travels.

People Don’t Understand How To Google

Daily writing prompt

What’s something most people don’t understand?

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What people don’t understand is how to google their questions. On Facebook, I see it every day. The anonymous post with the questition________________. On Facebook SW licensing groups, I usually copy down the question and add it to a google document. My test taking google document is now 295 pages long. Google documents make my life totally portable without lugging books around. This year I helped 3 graduate students by making an online self study google document. If they needed a certain topic, they would email me and I would add it to the group with the date information was added at the top. So far so good. What most people don’t understand is T.E.A.M =Together Everyone Achieves More.

The One Question I Hate To Be Asked

Daily writing prompt

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

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The one question that I hate to be asked is a place where people have no idea how deep the answer would be. It’s like falling down the rabbit hole in Alice in wonderland. It’s wondering why it ever happened in the first place. I usually tell a lie that I fell, but that is only part of the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth usually shocks the hell out of them. I live in a state of trauma each and every day. I try to hide my scar. I want to go sleeveless during the summer. I want to enjoy my life as it is. But it is that one question that is asked where did you get that scar or what happened? What happened would never make an autobiography. It’s not enough. It’s not enough to read it but it’s enough to hear it. My story is so much more than what is written. My story makes me who I am. It gives me purpose. It gives me strength to know that it could never happen in the exact manner that it happened. Every so often you’ll hear stories and you will go to yourself did that really happen? Why did it happen? It was the victims fault. If only the victim did this or that. How about this one? If only the police did this or that the victim would be alive.

Breaking The Law Of Ageism

Daily writing prompt

If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?

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The struggle of ageism is so real. I feel it everyday. I am either under qualified or overqualified. There is no happy medium. Being 59 is not young enough. Yet I have lived a life full of experience. Being in the medical field is not enough. Enough is enough. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Ageism and being disabled is truly getting old. I suffer. I wait for the axe to drop. I have applied for over 100 jobs. Only 1 took a chance on me. I quit less than 1 month being hired. Toxic work environment. There should be a law against toxic work environments. Almost every job I have ever had was toxic. I have a choice to be my own boss. Maybe someday. But today I can only dream that I matter……old age and all. P.S Indeed really sucks. 

Every Scar Leaves A Story

Not too long ago I showed my 12 in. scar to a teenager cutter. I didn’t tell her how I received it. She wanted to cut the day that I talked to her. I asked her what was the trigger to cut. I went through different alternatives to cutting. You don’t want another scar that you can see. We all have inner and outer scars. We all have a story that says that we have survived. My story deserves a platform with an audience. I could never write a book about my scar. It would never make 5 pages. Lately I have shared the trauma behind the scar to select individuals. My hope is that I could talk about it freely in a CR Group. Everyone has inner scars. These scars can be deep. They lie deep within. Sometimes the pain seeps out and opens up the scar. Emotional triggers cut scars wide open. Healing takes time for both inner and outer scars. It’s hard. Nothing can totally erase the scar or the memory behind it. New scars will always occur. We have to learn how to emotionally heal from life’s hurts. Celebrate recovery or a twelve step program can help us share our stories. Our stories can help others understand that they are not alone.

Change Is Good

Change is always difficult. The beginning of change starts with the first step of realizing that there is a better way to live free of addiction. So far so good. Life can bring many different changes. A change in jobs can bring feelings of joy or uncertainty. We live in uncertain times. It is during these times that we must reach out to our support groups for the guidance that we need. Change is good.Change is necessary to bring about a new way of living free of addiction. Change can bring about a new perspective that is positive and reassuring. One day at a time. One change at a time can deeply impact your life. What is one change in your life that you can make today? Keep it simple and focus on improving your life. Change is never easy but it is necessary in order to move forward in your journey of recovery. Let’s change together this year.

Looking Ahead To A New Chapter

  A new year is just around the corner. 2024 will be a year to discover a whole new you. It will be a chance to look at Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over ______-that our lives have become unmanageable. There are so many things that we can be powerless over. I personally can name a few. This year I applied to be a peer coach but I wasn’t sick and in recovery long enough. I needed to be “sick” for at least 3 years. The truth is I have been six for 26 years. I have been shredding years of group worksheets. I saved a portrait of me drawn by a person in recovery. This year I’ll return to the old ways and write poetry again. Someday I might just become a published author. How will 2024 look for you? I plan on studying for the next 6 months for my LMSW exam. I do not have an accountability partner. I have to open up a new chapter in my life and not be afraid. I have to break free from the chains of despair. What lies beyond today? A fresh start for you and me. Never ever give up hope. Find your comfort zone within a meeting. Phone a friend. Sit at a recovery meeting and take in the words that are spoken. A new chapter in your life is beginning. Embrace it one day at a time.

Losing my Grandfather

Daily writing prompt

Share what you know about the year you were born.

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  Six weeks after I was born, my grandfather died. The only memory of my grandfather are the words that he said when he had held me. He told my father that I was very special. I often ask my father to tell me stories about my grandfather. I never had the chance to do the things I wanted to do with my grandfather. Nothing really happened the year that I was born. I always remember that my grandfather passed away too soon. I wonder if things would be way different if he lived now. Would he have lived to the ripe old age of 94 the present age of my father. 1965 was the beginning of another chapter in my parents lives. I am glad to have been born in such a memorable time.

The Happiness Jar

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It’s Never Picture Perfect

I never pictured that it would be so hard to land a job with just a Master’s degree at my age. I recently read an article about a 90 year old obtaining a Master’s degree. I will be going for yet another job interview tomorrow. It is a job but not any job. It seems to be the “one”. The one job that I never pictured was even a real job. A year from now I picture myself where I need to be. A place where I fit the picture. A place where I belong helping others heal a recover from life’s hurts, habits, and difficulties.

Daily writing prompt

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

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